it's all about perception

One of the girls at my school told me that another girl said she thought I was mean. I spoke to the girl and we got it cleared up. The girl who told me said she thought I was because I  raised my voice at one of them to tell him to not run in the classroom.  Now, I have never raised my voice to the girl in question,ever. She is normally really good.  But, it is funny how 5 year olds perceive "yelling " as " mean."

The reality is that someone raises their voice to 1) take control of a situation, 2) be heard admidst the hub bub of whatever else is going on around them 3) the thing that he/ she is shouting about is more important than anything else at the time. 

Now, I will admit, I do , and have raised my voice to my children. Sometimes I'm angry, sometimes it's to gain control over a situation that I feel is out of control, sometimes it is to get their attention.  But, to say I'm mean when I do it implies I don't care about them, when on the contrary, I care about them enough to get them to stop what they are doing so they are not a danger to themselves or others. 

The mean one is the one who doesn't care about the welfare of others. The mean one is the one who puts his/her needs before the needs of others. The mean one is the one who treats others differently than the way they would like to be treated. The mean one is the one who sits idly by and does nothing for fear of making waves or cause confrontation (which is more about them than the other person).

The loving one confronts. The loving one acts. The loving one cares, even if it means raising a voice to do it.

I think the media, and the portrayal of "mean" characters on movies and tv skews our view of what is loving and what is unloving. 

But, it is all about perception.