I have been wrestling with the concept of grace and humility lately, particularly when is it an appropriate time to stop being graceful and humble and start being assertive. I know the bible has a lot to say on this subject, with verses like " If you forgive, your father will not forgive you", " for it is by grace we have been saved...", etc. but what if the offense has been done to you and you are not at fault. Is it more humble and gracious to just let it go and not say anything, and keep letting yourself get walked on so the relationship will not be strained to keep in line with " As it stands with you, live peaceably with all" ? What if you have done this several times, and the relationship never improves? Since God wants to redeem all of mankind, how does not saying anything usher in redemption?
I was thinking about after the fall in Genesis when God confronts Adam and Eve in the garden. He doesn't just let it go so that Adam and Eve can keep on sinning, but confronts them with asking them why they hid. There is some sort of level of accountability. But, how does this translate to those outside the church body? Does the same level of accountability apply? What if the more kindness you have shown, the poorer you are treated? What if when you confront them, they take no responsibility for their part in the relationship strain?I could use some feedback on this. Feel free to chime in if you have any thoughts.
Hi Michelle,
ReplyDeleteI've struggled with forgiveness so often as you know from our conversations. We are never meant to be a doormat but we are meant to say the truth in love. To live peaceably does not mean we ignore the wrongs done to us but to learn to reconcile the relationship as much as possible.
In saying that, we cannot force another person to take responsibility for their actions. We can only be accountable for our words and actions in response to the wrong-doing. We can be the one to confront ("This is how you hurt me...I really want to mend this relationship...I value our relationship and I forgive you...but I cannot allow my heart to be hurt like this again")and to forgive but we cannot hold them accountable if they don't want to be.
We CAN, however, choose to forgive them and yet not be in relationship with them. We can resolve in our hearts to let God deal with them in His timing while still doing everything in our power to love them while still guarding our hearts from their hurtful ways. We are not meant to throw ourselves into a pit with them and allow the hurt to continue. That's masachistic.
Jesus asks us to love our neighbor and to do everything in our power to live at peace with them. The key is "everything in our power." There are instances where we are powerless to keep the peace and we must allow God's grace to rule in our hearts toward those people while we emotionally move out of the relationship.
We are not called to condemn but to love. If we do everything in our power to love the person who has wronged us, yet they refuse to see their responsibility in the relationship or continue to hurt us intentionally or unintentionally, we need to guard our hearts from that harm. That doesn't mean we don't come in contact with them but they don't have to be our best friend. We may have a family member who does this. We can't help but see them at family functions, but we don't have to bare our soul to them or put ourselves in an abusive situation.
I hope this helps.