It begins with a kiss

My son is an emotional little guy. He went through this phase at school where he was crying when my husband or I would leave him. I realized he had gotten over that one morning when  I put the key in the ignition, backed down the driveway and turned to see a small hand waving wildly in his bedroom window and a big smile on his face. I blew him a kiss and  he continued to blow me one until I headed down the road.  He still continues this as part of his morning ritual ( he cries when he doesn't get to do that.) I savor this special moment between us, because I know there will come a day when that window will be empty and his mind will instead be filled with  friends and blowing kisses to his girlfriend instead of to me.
Isn't that the way it should be with our Father?  I wish I  could say I spend the time I need with God every morning, but I rush too much in the morning and my mind is filled with other things. I need to savor my moments with my Father and blow Him a kiss in the morning before I leave, to show Him how much I love Him.  

introduction to the Disciple Whom Jesus Loved

Imagine you are  riding the pristine waters of the Tiberian Sea.  As you overlook the  horizon, the sun greets you with a warmth  known only  in this part of the world. Your boat bobs and sways as you inhale the mixture of salt and sand  common to someone in your line of work. You wipe the sweat off your brow  as you pull your net from the newly disturbed waters,  struggling to contain your catch of the day.  You sneak a peek at the shore to find a  strangely familiar figure  standing on the edge. You know who has filled your net to overflowing.  Your chest fills with excitement as your heart races to keep up with your equally rapid pulse.  Your tongue touches the roof of your mouth and scrambles to find the words to communicate all your mind is thinking. You utter  the one word unknown to your present company,  yet bonds you and the stranger together forever.

            The figure standing on the shore is Jesus. And you are the disciple whom Jesus loved.

            I wish I could say the main character in this story is me and that I am writing  about a familiar exchange with my Lord.   I would love to say that. I exhibit  the same attributes of John, the man whom most scholars agree is the disciple whom Jesus loved.

I wish I could say that.  But, I can’t. Not now, anyway.

I don’t think I have the same kind of relationship John and Jesus had as they spent time together during Jesus’ ministry.   They had something special. They had the kind of relationship that allowed John to proudly refer to himself  on several occasions in his own writing as the disciple whom Jesus loved.

Now, at first glance, this might seem a bit  haughty of John. I mean, John had that kind of  attitude already right?  Fighting with his brother over whom would sit at Jesus’ right hand and calling fire down  on soldiers who would not receive Jesus are  common actions of this prominent leader and  trusted friend of Jesus.

But, John had  qualities the other disciples didn’t.  Things like loyalty, willingness, and faithfulness. These were the things to which  John became most known.  He exuded these qualities, and these qualities ,in turn, were the pillars to which the church he founded as pastor.   He loved Jesus.  And Jesus loved him.

I’m not saying Jesus doesn’t love me. I know he does.  I’ve seen His unintelligible grace and unfailing mercy during the darkest hours of my days.  I have also seen His abundant provision and blessing with which I have been able to bless others.  I know He loves me. I’ve seen it too much to deny it.

I may not be the disciple that Jesus loved yet, but I’m getting there. I’m trying. Everyday I wake up  on the hunt for the broken and the oppressed.  I find opportunities to  meet the needs of those who need it  and I do it.   Or, at least I try.  My heart’s desire is to know Jesus in the same intimate way as John and  I live my life in faithfulness to this desire.

That is the reason why I am writing this book.  As I muddle through this  journey toward a deeper walk with  Christ,  I want to share my  thoughts and struggles with you.  Maybe you will learn from them and not make the same mistakes I  have made.  Or,  perhaps you will find yourself running with a fervor and desire that compels you to run to see your Savior  more quickly than me. My prayer is for the latter.

Come aboard this boat and journey with me and put on  the characteristics that made John this brother of Jesus.  Then, we can sail until we reach our  final destination: becoming the disciple whom Jesus loved. 

Becoming a Treasure in Jars of Clay 3

This week's Community episode was about Jeff, played by Joel McHale, taking beginner pottery, which was his blowoff class for the semester. He thought he would be able to do it no problem, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make the projects. Another cool guy in his class with one touch can make these beautiful vases. Jeff even stays after school one day to hone his skill, but to no avail.
The point is that he couldn't manufacture his art no matter how hard he tried. In art, as well as life, either you have the talent or you don't. You can learn one,  but people who have an artistic talent, for example, naturally are just creative. Paul writes in 11 corinthians 4:7, that we are jars of clay, that hold the treasure (the gospel). It is a natural part of them. We can't preach what we don't know. Either you know him, or you don't.

I'm already a winner

I was engaging in a routine prayer time when something life changing took place. During this prayer time, I'd asked God why he was calling me to write a book. In His still, quiet voice, He said "You asked me for this."

 You see, I didn't come to know Christ until I was eighteen. I was always a shy, quiet child. Writing was the voice I could never seem to find growing up. When I became a Christian, and the Holy Spirit did His rejuvenating work in my life, He made me into a completely different person. He gave me my voice, I and felt that God was going to use me in a way different than writing. I sang on a worship team at my church, and assumed that was my new place in the Christian world. I had limited God and His choice for my life. As I flipped through my masterpiece, I rejoiced in the fact that my gracious God chose to forgive me. I am now committed to this new path, and want to allow God to use me however he chooses.

Besides writing a bit of poetry for my high school literary magazine, I 'd never written anything of this magnitude.  I told myself I would not write again after those poems. I'd closed myself off to writing and replaced it with other venues, and God honored my request. I tried to write again in my own strength, but nothing came to me. I repented of cutting myself off from this gift, but nothing happened. at first. I then said to Him if he wanted to use me to write a book, he could do so. It didn't happen at first, but then one ordinary day last fall, God said "It's time." I was hesitant at first, fully expecting this to be a project that took many years to complete. But, I wanted to be obedient to whatever God had for me in this venue. To date, I've just printed off my 130 page manuscript.


So, here I am, with a book that I can attribute to nothing else but the Holy Spirit's power sitting on my bedroom dresser and no opportunity to sit before a publisher. Proverbs 31 Ministries and Lysa TeurKeurst is holding their annual conference in Concord North Carolina July 30- August 1 to give women the opportunity to hone their writing and speaking skills ( for more info, see http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com or www.proverbs31.org ). One of the things this conference also provides is the opportunity to sit in front of a publisher for a 15 minute initial interview. The publisher might take one look at it and pass it right back to me across the table without a second glance. Or maybe, just maybe, he might be interested.

 Whether or not I win this scholarship doesn't really matter. It would be great if I did, with my husband's recent pay cut and small part time job I could really use the break. The main thing, though, was that I responded to God's calling in obedience and came away with a finished product. In that sense, I'm already a winner.

Be intellectually honest

I have been watching this season of American Idol, and have already picked who i think should be in the forefront to go to the finals. But, I have a question? When did screaming become singing? Siobhan Darcy does nothing but scream the last notes of every song, and the judges, for the most part, love it.  They did the same thing with Adam Lambert last year. It is like they have her pegged as the female Adam Lambert. Three years ago, they would have said it was screechy, now it is the cat's meow?
My point is that I'm tired of being told who has talent and who doesn't simply because the judges, who know talent, tell me they do. It was the same last year, and frankly, I'm not buying it.
in the same way, it is with our walk with Christ. Do I do things simply because the Bible says so? Or because a pastor tells me to? Doesn't that seem a bit intellectually dishonest?
I'm not against the bible, and try my hardest to follow it. But, because I read something, doesn't mean it is necessarily good to do it.
I read a bumper sticker that said " God said it, I believe it, that settles it".  While I understand the sentiment behind it, there are many leaders that misinterpret the bible. Should I believe them too simply because they said so?
I need to be intellectually honest and wrestle through it and to chew on it like " spiritual meat", not " spiritual milk".  If it jives with my beliefs, then I can accept it. There is nothing wrong with questioning, my questioning allowed my conversion experience to take place.
I hope you do the same.

Becoming a Treasure in Jars of Clay 2

Now, I realize that the “ believers who were added to their number” were never named in those writings. But, am I wrong to think  that at least some of those believers of whom Jesus and the apostles healed and drove out demons came to attend a church service or two? That is the essence of apprenticeship: teaching someone the skills and tools necessary to complete a task and then allowing them to invest all that they have learned into another willing vessel. Apprenticeship can never end with the student keeping all that he has learned to himself. It is only as successful as the person who learns instilling those tools into the life of another eager student.

Matt Smay and Hugh Halter, authors of The Tangible Kingdom address the difference between discipleship and apprenticeship. “ It’s surprising, then that that much of what we call discipleship training involves learning concepts individually with little emphasis on the practical implementation of the knowledge. Not only has discipleship become passive, but it has also been tailored to fit the consumer lifestyle. It costs very little in most contexts to become a disciple- attending a class, completing a workbook, or completing a program. What we need is a new definition of discipleship. What if discipleship became more costly in terms of time, effort, relationships or finances? What if it became a real apprenticeship?” (151).

The current problem with discipleship is that there is no risk for the individual.  Apprenticeship is only as good as the student’s willingness to learn the trade.  No one learns a trade or skill they have no interest in using at a later time.  The student must have a willingness and a passion for the subject, or else they have no vested interest in passing their skills on to someone else.

 Another aspect to good apprenticeship is to put those skills into practice. Smay and Halter go on to say “ while it is good to learn about becoming a disciple, there is significantly more that can only be understood through practice.”  Apprenticeship can only work if a student puts the skills they learn to good use. As Christians, we are called to invest in the lives of others. Titus 2: 3-5  says "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God".

There are a couple of things I noticed in these verse. The first is that both older and younger women are in need of training and learning.  When I say older or younger, I do not mean the color of your hair or the amount of wrinkles on your face. In this context, it means spiritually older or younger, or the ones who are already exhibiting these attributes.  These are the ones not gossipping about her neighbor, not conducting themselves like the world,  but loving their husbands and children , self- controlled,  not lazy, etc. If the  Holy Spirit is not already there doing His rejuvenating work in us, the world will see nothing different about us. There is nothing to attract them.  The church, which by the way is the people of God, not the building you meet in, must be made blameless. It starts with us. Revival starts in our hearts. 

John the Apprentice

John was a fisherman, as seen in Matthew 4:18-22, along with his brother and his father. So, Christ did not see him in an unusual place when He asked him to “follow me!” . John must have been used to being in an aprenticeship role, having learned the trade from his dad. From what we know from Scripture about how they made disciples back then, John probably went out on the boat with his dad and fished with him, learned how to drop and lift the net in the proper way so as not to lose fish, etc. So, when Christ says “ I will make you fishers of men” , it wasn’t a foreign concept to him. But, the thing that set John apart from the other 10 disciples was that he and his brother “ left their father and their boat”( verse 22).

            Jesus’ definition of apprenticeship seems a bit more like Christian boot camp then hands-on- learning. In Luke 9:1-6, Jesus first gives the twelve people who agreed to leave everything and everyone behind the ability to do what He had been doing: to drive out demons and heal the crowds. Then he tells them to take nothing with them, rely on the people that they minister to and that there will be people who won’t welcome or like them. The response? They did it! The twelve, including John set out for the villages, fully aware they were preparing for their slaughter.

I always wondered how someone made the cut to be in Jesus’ circle of disciples. The bible tells us there were many people who followed Jesus and whom he called disciples. In one of Jesus’ daily journeys into town to meet the needs of the people there, he tells one who called himself a disciple: “ Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.” (Matthew 8: 22). Jesus’ definition of a disciple and theirs were completely different. I believe what separated this disciple from the twelve that knew Jesus was their desire. They were willing to give up family, friends, jobs, money, security and the safety of their current situations for nothing more than the hope of becoming more like a man who raised people from the dead, cured the sick and gave hope to the hopeless.

The essential ingredient to making a disciple is for someone who not only has the knowledge and experience in that field but also the willingness to share that knowledge with someone else. In fact,  anyone who takes the apprentice role in any situation must have a desire to learn the trade. If that is missing, the mentor- apprentice relationship falls flat.

John did not simply learn from Jesus and keep what he learned to himself. He continued on with Christ’s example and took what he learned and invested it in the lives of others, particularly Peter. The four gospels mention John being linked with Peter more than nine times. I can only imagine the kind of conversations that went on between these two on their journeys with the Lord. Anytime someone spends an extended amount of time with someone, a deeper relationship is bound to flourish. No doubt John and Peter were teaching each other about what it meant to be a disciple.

Since John was an apprentice and later became a pastor, shepherding was in his blood. The art of taking people under his wing and teaching them all he knew was a natural part of who he was. To deny this character trait was to deny the very person of John.

            Peter was a great person to have by his side. John records Jesus’ reinstatement of Peter in John 21:13-17. In this account, Jesus asks Peter to become like a shepherd and to “ feed his sheep”.  Jesus states plainly that in order to be His disciple, He must care for the people Jesus had spent three years caring for: His church